i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
