I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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