If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
