You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
