On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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