I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
