Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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