I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
