You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
