I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
