i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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