No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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