i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
