i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
