I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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