I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
