capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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