it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
