Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
