I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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