You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
