I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
