Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
