I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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