you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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