Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
