so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
