I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
