It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
