4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
