im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
