I heard we made out
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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