I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
