So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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