found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
