if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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