the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
