My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
