Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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