Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
