i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
