you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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