have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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