my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize