I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
