I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
