Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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