morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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