Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
