so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
