The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
