My cat gives me a boner
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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