By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
