in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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