i was born a porn star she said
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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