I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
