Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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