i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
