he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
