Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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