just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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