ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
bring money and cleavage
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
