yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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