ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
