I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
