my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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