shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
