i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
