You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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