the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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