I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she looked like the before picture.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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