benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
