when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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