I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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