I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
