1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
