You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
