I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and she was petting her beer can
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
