I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
