Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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