I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
