I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have fence marks all over my body
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
