he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
