I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
