I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
