well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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