just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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